


Alternative

by ToxicPineapple



Series: Amamota Week 2020 [5]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: (Ish) - Freeform, Character Study, Established Relationship, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Introsepction, Just in the sense that, Kisses, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Killing School Life (Dangan Ronpa), Trust your friends, Your significant other should not be the only person you confide in, slight unhealthy relationship, virtual reality au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:27:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27398743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicPineapple/pseuds/ToxicPineapple
Summary: Even then, Kaito keeps his smile up, he’s smiling and smiling all the way back up the stairs, and into the apartment, as he kicks off his outdoor slippers and shrugs off his jacket, and he’s smiling until he’s reached the kitchen, where Rantaro is making hot chocolate, and he’s smiling until he’s wrapped himself around Rantaro from behind, resting his face in the crook of Rantaro’s shoulder and breathing in, breathing out, slowly unraveling, the smile falling from his face, his eyes fluttering closed.He’s… so tired, of pretending. But the alternative is worse. It’s so, so much worse.One of Rantaro’s hands lifts from the pot and rests over back of Kaito’s, and he squeezes, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to. They both know what the other is thinking.---Even now, after the killing game is long in the past, there's only one person out there who Kaito can lose his smile around.---Amamota week day five: Smile/Lies
Relationships: Amami Rantaro/Momota Kaito
Series: Amamota Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1994860
Kudos: 27





	Alternative

**Author's Note:**

> written for amamota week day five! the prompt was smile/lies

Kaito smiles the whole time that Shuichi and Maki are over to visit.

Maybe Shuichi notices, because there’s a point where, before he heads out to their car, he pauses, his brow furrowing slightly. He opens and closes his mouth, and Kaito waits, standing by the door, his smile still fixed on his face. At this point, Shuichi is far enough away that Kaito can let it waver just a little bit, and it won’t be obvious. It won’t be easy to see at all, actually.

And Shuichi has a sharp eye, but he’s never really  _ told  _ Kaito to stop pretending-- maybe because it’s all so familiar to them, this routine of hero and sidekick, even if Kaito was never really a hero and Shuichi stopped being his sidekick a long time ago-- so after a moment of hesitation, he turns back, and joins Maki in getting into the car, waving at Kaito one last time before they drive away.

Even then, Kaito keeps his smile up, he’s smiling and smiling all the way back up the stairs, and into the apartment, as he kicks off his outdoor slippers and shrugs off his jacket, and he’s smiling until he’s reached the kitchen, where Rantaro is making hot chocolate, and he’s smiling until he’s wrapped himself around Rantaro from behind, resting his face in the crook of Rantaro’s shoulder and breathing in, breathing out, slowly unraveling, the smile falling from his face, his eyes fluttering closed.

He’s… so tired, of pretending. But the alternative is worse. It’s so, so much worse.

One of Rantaro’s hands lifts from the pot and rests over back of Kaito’s, and he squeezes, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to. They both know what the other is thinking.

The thing is, it’s… Kaito is sure that Rantaro isn’t the only person in their class who would understand, why he needs to keep his smile up, why he needs to lie about being a hero, even years after the simulation has ended and they’ve all gone free. Kaede would probably understand, , and Tenko might, and even Shuichi, who sometimes Kaito catches looking at him with a sad, almost longing look in his eye, he’d probably understand it, in that way where Shuichi just seems to understand things sometimes that he should have no reason to, but it’s… what Kaito is looking for, it’s not understanding.

He doesn’t need to be understood. There’s nothing-- nothing is  _ wrong  _ with Kaito, he’s not broken, he’s not someone who needs to be fixed, who needs to be coddled. Kaito isn’t someone to be saved or empathised with, he’s just… he’s just a man, just a man who once thought he was a hero, who now knows different. That’s all he is, not a pile of broken pieces, not dirty lungs and a rescuer complex, just a man. He doesn’t want someone to commiserate with, someone to break bread next to while talking about how terrible everything’s become. He doesn’t want soft eyes and gentle words, no comfort or soothing hair pets, he doesn’t need any of that.

Rantaro, he… he understands. He does. And he’s all for the gentle words and the soft eyes, the soothing hair pets and comforting embraces. But when it comes down to it, that’s not why Kaito is here, that’s not why Kaito clings to Rantaro like this, all the energy leaking out of him, draining into the walls. No, the reason why they stand like this, connected, in the kitchen, while their hot cocoa bubbles on the stove, is because they’re the same.

Because Rantaro, like Kaito, was never taught how to turn his smile off. Rantaro is far from a happy person-- even before he went through two killing games, losing twelve sisters around the world, never finding them, that’s enough to break a man-- but he’s always got this relaxed, easy grin on his face regardless, a reassuring lighthearted tone. He makes people feel comfortable, happy, and that’s all Kaito has ever strived to do, really, is just that. Make others happy. Make them smile like he is, but genuinely on their end. It’s all he wants.

They’re not exact reflections of one another. Where Rantaro pulls himself away to keep people out, Kaito throws himself in. He gets people to love this idealised version of him, this hero, and when they try to find the real Momota Kaito, he convinces them that this person doesn’t exist. He knows his friends don’t really believe that, don’t buy that Kaito isn’t more than the hero persona he still insists on putting up, don’t buy into the Luminary of the Stars, but there’s no way in hell that Kaito is acknowledging that.

For as long as he can keep smiling, keep lying, keep pretending that everything is okay, he will. Because that’s all Kaito knows how to do.

After a moment, Rantaro turns off the heat, and he moves the pot of cocoa to another burner, one of the cool ones, then he shifts so he’s leaning against the counter rather than the stove, turning to embrace Kaito properly. He smells like campfire smoke and pine needles and incense, and his arms are so comfortable, Kaito can feel himself starting to melt into it, the edges of his eyes burning hot. He won’t cry, not right now, not over this, but the urge is there. And it’s nice to think that, even if he did, Rantaro would keep looking at him and seeing the man he’s always known, rather than… realising he’s somebody else.

“You seem exhausted,” Rantaro murmurs. His fingers card through Kaito’s hair.

“‘m pretty tired, yeah,” Kaito mumbles back. He closes his eyes, kissing Rantaro on the neck, adjusting in the embrace and then settling himself, comfortable. He likes it when Shuichi and Maki come over. Likes seeing them, likes knowing that they’re okay. If Kaito had to choose between seeing them and not seeing them, he’d opt for the former, no matter what.

God, though, it’s exhausting, smiling like that. It’s exhausting being the Luminary of the Stars. The Luminary of the Stars died years ago. Sometimes Kaito wonders why he even bothers keeping up the charade.

But what would be the alternative?

“Wanna drink your cocoa and then cuddle and nap?” Rantaro’s lips press against the crown of Kaito’s head. “I could put on a movie on my laptop.”

Kaito smiles a little, nuzzling Rantaro’s shoulder. “That sounds nice, Taro. Like that.”

“Good,” Rantaro squeezes him slightly. “Grab a couple mugs for me, yeah?”

As Kaito pulls back, going to do just that, he thinks… it’s not perfect. That he’s acting so happy all the time when he’s not… that’s not good, really, it’ll never be  _ good. _

But at least he has Rantaro here. It’s everything that Kaito needs, to have someone who he doesn’t have to smile around.

**Author's Note:**

> not me uploading another shitty 1k fic for day five :weary:
> 
> sorry lgbt community.... i'll try to make tomorrow's really good


End file.
